Another Year Over....and a new one just begun.

It was my birthday on Friday, and I marked it with another 'first'. I had my underarms waxed. It is something I have always said I would never have done as I'm soft, but I had it on good authority that I would never look back. I go regularly to have other bits done, but armpits just sounded much too painful. The worst bit was growing the hairs in the first place. It is over 30 years since I've had the continental look. I had my first experience with the razor when I got a black 'wet-look' jumpsuit with no sleeves, that I'd got for the school dance. Every 2-3 days since then I've repeated the procedure, until last Christmas Day when my new regime began. On Friday in I went, and I got the bikini bits done first as I can easily cope with that. Despite what I'd just had done, I found it really embarrassing showing someone my underarms! I was scared, especially when the beautician warned me it would really hurt, but in for a penny.... Yes, it did hurt, a lot, but I'm booked in for round 2 to see if it gets easier.

The experience got me thinking about all the daft false things we do for the sake of appearance. Having hot wax poured on you then having your hairs ripped out to the follicles is just the beginning. The first time I had my eyelashes dyed was more painful than childbirth. It was a 'free gift' with a massage and it totally undid the good that the massage had done. They must have got dye in my eye before they left it to take. I've had false nails that only actually made my real nails worse, hair colours and perms, and some really dodgy hair styles (I always thought I looked great!). I did the cabbage soup diet that resulted in my losing 9 pounds in a week. Soup for breakfast is a killer. It was in my single days and I couldn't get away with doing it now. The whole house stinks of cabbage and you have to sleep with the bedroom windows open. The fish pedicure was just plain odd.

I've had a body wrap that promised I would lose inches and inches in a couple of hours. For this you strip off and get measured at various body points. Felt tip marks are put at the measuring points to get accurate results afterwards. Bandages soaked in a 'secret recipe' of mud are then wrapped all around you quite tightly. When this had been done I had the perfect hour glass figure. If I could have put on a long frock and gone out I would have looked amazing. The next stage is to be put in a plastic tracksuit, then helped onto a bed to relax for an hour. When the hour is up you are helped off the bed and out of the tracksuit. This all has to be done on a tiled floor as so much water pours out of the suit. The bandages are taken off and you are re-measured to show that you have indeed lost lots of inches. There are strict instructions not to shower for 2-3 days as the mud/clay keeps working and it does keep you clean (I believed it!). Whether it works or not (I think not although my skin was really smooth) you couldn't show off your newly sculptured body as it has bits of dried mud and felt tip pen marks all over it.

The spray fake tan has to be the worst experience though (I have blocked the horrific Turkish massage from my mind). For this I was stood in a plastic tent in a pair of paper pants. The tent walls were so dirty that it looked like the last occupant had been axe murdered. The beautician, stood well outside the tent, then proceeded to turn on a hose-pipe and spray me with the 'tan'. To get it everywhere you have to lift bits and bend all over the place. It really is very undignified. It looked quite good when I got home, but I couldn't do much for a few hours while it dried. I woke up to tan coloured bed sheets, and someone who had smoked 40 Woodbines a day for 40 years wouldn't have had yellower fingers. My whole body was orange and streaky. My feet were filthy, and if I'd have had it done to go on holiday with I think I would have stayed indoors for the first few days. As it was, I had lots of showers and wore the loofah out scrubbing.

I'm sure I will fall for whatever new thing comes out next, with the excuse that life is there for having new experiences. I am determined to have at least one further 'first' this year. I've never been to an opera, and although I'm not sure it appeals to me, you don't know until you try!